Friday Kelly, Melanie, Kyle, Alex, Ziggy, Paul, Patrick and I went to someplace called Milford, or somewhere near it, anyway. It's in the south.. About a 2 hour drive, I'd say? We were going to camp out there, but their camping spots sucked ass. So we complained, and they said we could take a cabin. It was only $52 a night. We stayed there two nights. It was a lot of fun. It was a really cool secluded little cabin with a little beach thingie on a big huge lake. Hardly any biting insects. It was all very grand. We listened to Trance, ate junkfood, drank alcoholic beverages and went to the zoo.
I especially liked the part where my boyfriend ignored me all weekend :) Yay.
And what I liked even more, was when I told him that’s how I felt (today), he said he knew and he wasn’t going to apologize, because apparently I ignored him at other points in time (previous camping trips? When I was on the phone with Kyle?)… I cried, he walked out on me while I was saying something. Now I’m mad, he seems to be pretending nothing’s wrong, and I miss the way it was before. When I was nervous, because we hadn’t kissed yet, and when we did, it was like magic. I miss when we actually seemed to respect each other. Stupid thing is.. This all was only about 4 weeks ago.
He’s leaving the day after tomorrow, and.. I don’t want to lose him, I just have the feeling that he doesn’t care as much as I do. Even though he says he does. He says he doesn’t want to lose me, he says he’ll miss me more than I can imagine, but that he has “mixed feelings”. I don’t understand. Everything is so confusing. And I can’t stop crying. I’m crying right now. Every two minutes, I have to try to stop myself from crying… I can’t.
This morning before the fight I asked if he wanted to camp out in my yard tonight, have some music, we still have some weed. But no. He didn’t want to do that..
It’s our last two nights together, and the least I want is to just hold him, because I probably won’t see him for another year…. Is that too much to asked? Wouldn’t you think that if he were going to miss me so much, he’d want the same? Or is it just stupid to think that way? I mean.. Why bother showing someone you love that you care, right?